I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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