she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
