As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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