Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
