my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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