THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
