Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
