Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
