Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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