Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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