whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
