That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
