fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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