Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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