You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
