"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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