She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
