I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
