Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
