As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
