Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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