I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
