i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
