she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
