So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
