I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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