I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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