You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
