Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
