you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
