this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
