I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
