My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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