: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And then he peed in my hair
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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