just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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