Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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