i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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