Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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