My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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