At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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