I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
