2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry my hands just texted you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
