Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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