You're completely useless in the revolution.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Who died my cat blue again?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
