I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
