90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
