You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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