dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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