He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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