nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
