my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
