Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
