The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
