if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
