Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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