i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
