Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
