I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
